Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
