I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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