I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
