Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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