I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
