He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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