Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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