so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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