You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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