What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
