You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
where are my eyebrows?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize