At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
