It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
