i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
