apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
