I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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