So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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