i can't believe i had my finger in that
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I want is dick and wine.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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