I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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