if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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