you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
