Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
