I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
