We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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