I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
