How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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