You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
