Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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