Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He felt like a one man threesome
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
