all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
