It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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