Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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