please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
jump out the window naked night went bad
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
