It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
