I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
