well most of my day revolves around power hour
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
