you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
