nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
