My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
