I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
