I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Found the puke drawer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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