Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
