Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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