I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
