i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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