Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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