She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize