everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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