my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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