hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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