My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
