Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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