just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
