He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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