Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
