Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
