How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
