If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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