took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
