Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
