Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
