i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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