wanna go halves on a baby?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize