I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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