so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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