Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
