fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
