Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
