I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
