oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
