I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
